Now I don’t normally post things like this, but I thought I’d share this with you all. My son was an early learner, we hoped he’d be following in my foot steps and learning computers, programming, IT, etc. That proved to be nothing more than a pipe dream, being diagnosed with ADHD some years back went on the drugs that take away the energy and spark that is needed to become someone truly great. What for? So that he could cope with being bored with everything. I have said for a long time that most ADHD kids are not ADHD, but are in fact bored, life when I was a child was all about getting out of the house getting chased by farmers with with shotguns and getting hit with “salt shot” (that stings like a b*******d I can tell you.) We went out “scrumping” during the summer, and fell out of trees on a weekly basis. It didn’t matter whether you were a boy or a girl, whether you were black or white (well except for when you were hiding in bushes to protect your arse from salt shot! 😉 .) We kept things about where we had been to try and elude our mums and dads into a false sense of security that we were where we were supposed to be and not getting in trouble, none of us wanted to be grounded. None of use wanted our arses kicked by our dads (that was always worse then getting hit by salt shot) and for those who think a child should never be hit, just remember this: we knew the consequences of our actions from around the age of 7. We knew that if we did something wrong out of ignorance we would get told what is right. We knew that if we did it again we’d get shouted at and berated. We knew that if we did it again we’d get the cane, the hand, or “the stick”. The hand unless was to bare skin didn’t really hurt, it just sent a shock to the system. The cane stung like nothing else, but was soon forgotten. “The stick” well that was a weapon that could have broken bones, but no matter how angry mum and dad got, no matter how much we deliberately winded them up, it never broke anything, it also never bruised, it just hurt like nothing else with a lasting pain that kept you reminded for a few hours.
Today the world is very different. You even look like you’re about to hit a child and you get arrested, God forbid you chastise (even verbally) another families child. Today mums and dads are divorced by their own children, they are gaoled for child abuse when they carry out any form of discipline on their children.
No, you’re not being harsh, but I don’t think it helps that you’re doing this over email or in public on a blog. It doesn’t help
either that you’re not around full time because its impossible to properly know each other, so you can’t “read between the lines”.
Then, these kind of interchanges are always overloaded. It’s difficult enough when you’re under the same roof. It’s never just
about the bike or the quality of English or responsibility or smoking or drugs. It’s always more complicated than that. There are a
whole set of expectations and needs on each side that aren’t aligned and colour the communication until it goes sour if both sides aren’t careful. He probably can’t even articulate what he actually needs from you. I have seen so many relationships go bad because of this: spouses, parents and kids etc.
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m the adult and until my kids show me they’ve matured sufficiently the responsibility for
getting the results and growth I want from them are mine and if something’s not working right I’m the one with the maturity and
experience (perhaps) to make the required change in the way we deal with eachother. It’s difficult because their phyiscal size and
articulation keeps on tricking us into believing they’re more mature than they actually are. Then again, my kids are only 4 and 6 so I
haven’t yet had to deal with teens. Parenting is not easy.
Ian
@ Ian:
Thank you for that thoughtful response. In reference to the first comment, I agree about the method of communication, I regularly get myself into trouble with failing to communicate effectively by email. I have a lot of passion and vigor for things like defeating the sourge that is called spam and vigor and interest in all things technology related. It is not uncommon that by communicating in email and the other party loosing all referential context through the inability to convey emotion that I feel and therefore I am mis-represented or mis-understood (the former being where people deliberately twist words to their own cause enabled by my poor choice of words. The latter being a completely innocent act caused by my inability to communicate emotion.) That said the blog is not for Aaron it is for people like you and me, Aaron being an example only. I’d like to point out though, that whilst Aaron chose Facebook email to communicate I have setup a phone number in my home (VOIP) town so he can call me any time he wants at the cost of a local call (which on his mums land-line is free for the first hour, no flag fall, and can be called as many times as you like with no extra charge.) I suspect he used email so that he could avoid any conflict, though I could be wrong. For those thinking it.. Timezone has never been an issue, even when living in Australia, but as I am in Europe now there is only 1 hour difference.
Parenting can indeed be tough, and some of us have it more tough than others, some by their own doing some not. There is a big long story that goes between Aaron and I, something which I do not wish to repeat in public as it is too personal and damaging for *all* involved. Of course some (including Aaron) blame my personal changes on Aaron’s behavior, however it is not so well known that Aaron knew nothing about my changes until July 2008, at which point he was already on the ADHD drugs, and getting into trouble etc etc etc..
I do wish Aaron was 6 again, there would be so many things different, just by the fact I am now getting on with his mother, and therefore she is letting me have contact, if nothing else.
Michelle
iya hope you