Today I met with James (my boss) and Dy (HR). Dy is a lovely woman, very forward, and very “strong”, she asked if I minded talking on a personal level, to which I replied that I’d be happy to. She also made a point by starting with, regardless of what happens how far you want to go, or not, the Company will support you in any way you need, ok?” Personally I expected that as they really have to regardless, but it’s nice to hear it, and there was something in Dy’s voice that said, “I really mean that on a personal level, not just what I have to say as HR”, which was good and put me more at ease. James sat quiet for most of the time.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I basically told Dy a little history, and that I had no plans on big changes, in fact I’m not planning on Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) as I have accepted that I can never be a woman, and I see little point in mutilating myself, as it will never make me a real woman.
That statement of course is likely to raise alarm bells with some psychologists and/or psychiatrists but it’s me being honest, you know the he’s not sure issue. I couldn’t care less about my sex organs, they don’t donate who I am; to be a woman, I need a womb and to be able to give birth, and that is currently impossible to resolve. I am happy doing HRT because it will give me boobs and the laser hair removal will make it easier to look like a woman. I’m not going to go for breast implant surgery, as that will not make me a woman, the HRT will allow me to grow my own, and I will be happy with what ever size they get to naturally. Does that make sense to you the reader, do you understand how and why I feel like I do about surgery? (I’d love to hear comments). I will make an exception to the no-surgery choice though, I will probably get my adam’s apple reduced in size, at some point, as it really protrudes.
Anyhow back to HR, Dy chatted a little while and indicated that she is a trained Psycologist, and should I want to talk to someone she’s happy for me to give her a call at any time. This I might do, though not for some time, I am happy within myself and am quite happy talking about it now. I didn’t tell them that I have self prescribed the HRT, as it will not help, and unless someone runs to tell them by the time they learn I’ll be under the care and prescription of my doctor.
I told Ally about the meeting with HR, and what was said on the way home. Ally seems a little happier today, it could be just settling down, and it could also be nothing to do with me, only time will tell.
This evening at home it was interesting, we talked a little more and I asked Ally if she would do my nails (I don’t seem to be able to get my right hand nails right no matter how hard I try). She agreed and we talked a little more, and I showed her some of my collection of nail polishes etc. She was surprised in some ways, but not in others, no doubt a case of ‘where did he hide all this stuff’. I painted her nails with a nice Gold colour on her request. Personally I don’t like the colour because it seems to always be a not-quite-a-match to skin tone and therefore to me it doesn’t look right.
Ally was thoughtful and quiet.
I asked her if she’d paint mine, and she said, “not to night it’s too late”. I know this might be pushing her, but I can’t help but feel it will help her open up.