“The Western world”.. Are we really free?

So this entry is taken from the blog of someone I love and care about, I’m posting it because I have suffered depression and I know all too well it’s the silent killer that kills more people every year than any other disease.  I am posting it because it talks about how free are we really?  And in truth, the words are so well written that I thought it must be from a world renowned writer..  Well I was wrong, it is written by someone who’s first language is not even English…  This shows (in my opinion) how intelligent this person is, she is a total genius, and with it the same things I suffered, the ability to see how everyone is in it for themselves, how we are slaves to money, possessions and the way society expects us to be.

With no further ado:

As I sit here and ponder with tears about to rupture from my eyes, the phrase “I want to die, I want to die…” echoes in my head and drives me bonkers. Death must be so beautiful. No yesterday, no tomorrow, forget time, just plain silence and peace. How wonderful it must be to die and not have to worry about a thing… to be free! I can’t handle this much longer; life is too much of a heavy burden on my shoulders drowning me deeper and deeper into profound despair. I am sick and tired of everything… such a vile world we live in. The mere thought of being brought up to believe that as humans we are free, incredibly baffles and disgusts me, because, how free are we actually? We are puppets on a string, slaves of our own society and of those who rule it – we are captives of the law, religion, education, work, the economy, media, people’s judgment. Freedom is being able to do or say whatever you want without fear of the consequences – given that no one around you gets hurt; so no, I strongly disagree with the statement that as human beings we are free, and having said so, this absolutely infuriates and distresses me, seeing as, from a realistic point of view, no matter how many causes and rights are fought for, we will never be truly free – that is the painful truth about life.

You call this a life? No one will ever understand how every breath feels heavy in your lungs, how painful it is just to wake up in the morning and force yourself out of bed just to do every-day tasks like every other ‘normal’ person, how disgustingly gratifying it is to drag a blade across your wrist and wait for the courage to thrust it into your flesh.. and at that moment a rush of mixed emotions surface, between rage, helplessness, feeling ashamed, yet also, control and relief. You cannot explain the knot you feel in your chest and the lump in your throat which disables you to voice out what you’re thinking.

I cannot find the strength to wake up in the morning, go to school and face society. I’ve spent so many days locked inside just lying in bed feeling depressed, helpless and suicidal… how can I explain to my teachers that I find it extremely difficult to go to school, not because I don’t want to, but because I’m losing the battle? They won’t understand…. to them I’m just another lazy student who doesn’t give a shit about her education and thus I’ll probably soon be kicked out of there too, and yet again the word FAILURE comes to mind! How can I explain to my loved ones that I don’t want to live anymore? Would they believe me or would they assume that I’m just having a bad day or going through a rough phase?

Is there any solution, any cure, any hope? I’m afraid I’m not capable of answering that question… so instead let’s drink another glass of alcohol to suppress the pain, light another cigarette to feel a certain calmness, roll another joint to feel liberated and at peace, and have sex with another stranger to feel alive for a very short while, let’s swallow another pill because those were the doctors’ orders and supposedly ‘feel better’.

Truth is, I feel empty, miserable, lost, alone, disgusting, hopeless and depersonalized…. these thoughts won’t shut the f*ck up!

Have I perhaps gone mad?

No hunnie, you haven’t gone mad, you have just expressed in words something I could never, my depth of expression, my ability to put into words my true feelings about life in this world of today.  We are all slaves to those who want power and money, even I as an evangelist, as a vigilantly as a person pushing as hard as I can to get society going in the right direction still suffer at their hands.

Chin up hun, I love you and so do all those around you.  You have the power to change the world, let me show you how. <3

Gay marriage… the rights, the wrongs, and ‘what next?’

So today have been a really interesting day, not one but two issues came up to talk about, today I’m only going to blog about the latter of the two are it’s certainly considered controvercial, but its also an ongoing ‘current affairs’ issue… “Gay marriage”

Before I start, I will say this blog is not intended to offend anyone and I apologise in advance if you are offended.  My point is to inform, not offend.

I have seen the arguments going on around the world for some time, both sides have valid points, but I think both sides are not focussing on the actual issue.

  • First you have the Church (and church going people).. their argument is marriage is a sacred thing and only something that can be regconised before God.
  • Second you have the Gay people of the world, they want the rights of anyone married. They don’t want to be discrimated against, they want any benefits of a married person, so they want to “get married”.

Now there are clearly at least two seperate reasons to it.

  • First, Gay people want the rights of a married person, this is not a marriage issue, this is an issue in law.
  • Second, Gay people want to have their partnership union recognised as the same as a non Gay couple, ie they want to be married.

So now we have the main issues lets look at the history. Marriage is a word that belongs to the church, anyone fighting for ‘gay marriage’ is trying to change history, and in most cases they have not considered that by calling it ‘gay marriage’ they have already created a distinction that makes it different from ‘marriage’… so that is not the answer.

So why does the word marriage belong to the church you ask next…? Well lets look at the history of the word itself. Back before laws on marriage to get married you went to the church, there was no register of Births, Marriages and Deaths outside of the Church. The laws came later and the governments of the world used the church term in their documentation, so it became part of society. However, partnerships have existed for long before the church, people lived together as families without ever being married, without ever being legally joined. In fact if we look at nature (Gods other creations) we see these partnerships, this coupling of two animals even today. Many birds, will partner for life (certain types of duck for example)… they will only couple with one partner ever. This is nature, this is the way God created the world. The are many examples in the world where animals other than homosapiens (us humans) partner and/or have casual sex with same sex partners.. again another of Gods creations, so any man or woman that says that being Gay is not Gods way is telling you that they don’t know the real teachings of God. The Church I have said (and I mean all churches/religions) are “mans” creation, they are “mans” interpretation of what God wants, these are not the word of God. We can see the word of God in what God created for us to see in the world, what we see in nature… So that in mind, the word “marriage” is a man-made creation that defines the partnership of a man and a woman. Live with it, accept it, deal with it.

Now.. laws are also man-made, and define how we live our lives whether we are part of the church or not. They define how legal benefits and rights may be obtained or are enforced. They define the law in which we live… So what’s the point…? Well it’s simple, stop arguing about the word ‘marriage’ stop trying to make ‘marriage’ legal between a man and a man or a woman and a woman, you won’t win the argument and you won’t win with good reason. Instead as for the laws to be changed to recognise a ‘civil union’ a union of two people that confirms in law that they are partners, that they have the rights and restrictions of anyone who up to now is ‘married’. Same thing isn’t it? Well not quite because recognising a civil union in law may give Gay people the rights of someone married but it’s still called something else. So what’s the answer, well read on…

The church (and some governments of the world) state clearly that marriage is creating a family, it’s about family values. So why don’t we create families instead of getting married, well some do. In the UK (and other countries) where ‘civil union’ laws exist, a person gets ‘married’ or ‘joined’ in a registry office, and finialise it with a signing of the Register of Births, Deaths and Marriages. People (heterosexual couples) can get married in church, some do, some don’t. At sea, anyone who wishes to get married may ask the captain of the ship to marry them…. There is no church involved, there is however a ceremony, which at the end of it, when the ship reaches shore, the happy couple must regularise by signing the register of Births, Deaths and Marriages. So really what are we doing by requiring people to sign the Register is getting them to sign a register of “Births, Deaths, and Partners” or a register of “Births, Deaths and Families”. So, lets change the name of the register, lets forget the word Marriage, lets change the laws and the register to indicate what it really is, a register of Births, Deaths and Couples, take away the ‘Marriage’ component.

Next what do we need to do, well simply we need to replace the word marriage in the relevant laws and replace it with something that means the joining of two people in the same way marriage is the joining of a man and a woman. A conversation I had earlier suggested ‘unionized’ (I disagree with this as it has other connotations in other countries. I suggested ‘lawful partnership’ and it was suggested that would devalue the union below marriage. Suggestions obviously needed here, another conversation suggested a, ‘spousalisation’ .. wow what a mouthful! 😉 Other suggestions I have seen are ‘amarriage’ and ‘monasticism’ (another mouthful there, but technically accurate)… Either way, lets stop fighting between the church and the non church people, stop fighting between homosexual and hetrosexual people about it. Lets come together as God wishes and let people live their lives as they wish as *family*, for it is God’s wish (regardless of the name of your God) for people to live as families, be good to others and lead a productive life.

Now I am not suggesting at any point that people no longer get ‘married’, if a man and woman wish to go to church and get ‘married’ allow them that right, allow the church the right to say marriage is the joining of a man and a woman – only. Instead in regular society, change how we define the joining of two people as legal and life partners call it something else for *everyone*, allow people to say for instance, we are in a legal partnership, and for those men and women who choose to do so say “we also got married”. Lets legislate that forms may not ask if you are married, but instead if you are in a legal partnership (or any other name that is used legally.) Lets make both sides happy, lets join people, allow the church to keep their definition of marriage, and change the word used in regular society for the joining of *any* couple whether both male, both female or a man and a woman. Stop the arguments and work together for families as this is what the world is in desperate need of affirming.


  • References taken from: Marriage Watch on Major World Religions on the Question of Marriage
  • I am a transsexual (male to female) that is Gay – I only date women (legally I am a woman, I date women, therefore I am legally gay. The church defines me as a man and therefore will allow me to ‘marry’ a woman.. go figure!)
  • I am not a believer in the church (any church/religion) I am agnostic, i.e. I believe in a higher power that people refer to as their God, I do not know it’s name, I do not care or need to know it’s name, I believe it is there, and it will judge me on my passing from this realm.

Only in Malta

With the upcoming Olympic games in the UK and it’s associated buzz around Europe, Arriva have decided to join the sporting spirit.  This year for the first time ever we have the Arriva Bendy-bus Rally Of Malta (ABROM), we are expecting this to be a week long yearly event, though organisers have indicated that if successful it may continue for the entire summer.  One hopes that in this case they get a good scoring system otherwise it could leave for frustration amongst the waiting spectators.


Today’s action comes live from the Marfa Road, Rabat where the first stage of “Bendy Bus Off-roading and illegal manouvers” can be seen:

8:24am Mtarfa Rd to Rabat.. Stage one, off-roading.
8:24am on the Mtarfa Rd towards Rabat


Please join us tomorrow for the second event at Ahrax, Melliha where we will be searching for Malta’s Strongest bus.  Each contestant will test their buses true Air Brake strength by driving off the Cliff.

Day three will be held at the on the Island of Gozo where each bus will be tested for it’s handling and speed in an unbraked race down to the Azure window.

Day four will begin with a test of swimming endurance where each bus will attempt to return from Gozo to the main Island of Malta, without the convenience of the Gozo ferry.

Day five will be held in the Maltese capital of Valletta where each bus will attempt to negotiate and random turn route through the narrow streets which will be lined on one one side by continuous line of legally parked vehicles of all shapes and sizes, whilst the opposite sides of the streets will have a random dispersal of illegally parked delivery trucks and white cabs.  This should prove one of the more interesting events to spectate as some of the route will be blocked completely by parlimentary cars, and unplanned/unsigned road workings requiring the driver to turn his bus around, or face a long retrace of the route in reverse.

Further events are planned for next week, please see the official rally website http://www.arriva.com.mt/ for more details.



This is a notice to GFI Software Ltd, your staff, and your agents, it has come to my attention again that your members of staff at GFI Software are viewing this website from your offices.  I have placed access controls to prevent this, however members of your are deliberately circumventing those legitimately placed access controls by using other IP addresses at your office in Malta, Florida and other worldwide locations that have not been registered to your company deliberately to covertly access my websites and social media profiles.  I will not tolerate this behavior any more, cease and desist or I will be forced to request that the police bring the full force of the Maltese Law (Chapter 9, Section 337C of the Laws of Malta – the computer misuse laws) against your staff and the company for these continued violations of criminal code.  You, your staff, and your agents do not have permission to access any of my websites or my social media profiles.  This is your final warning, cease and desist.


Note: Those members of staff that have been given access to my Facebook profile may continue to have access via those profiles that have been allowed as I have implemented additional access controls that restricts their view to what is available publicly.  Those who have been blocked/banned from my profile that are using other profiles that either belong to themselves or others to covertly monitor my Facebook profile are in direct breach of Chapter 9 Section 337C(1)(a), (b) and (c).  Members of your staff who have used accounts under names that are not on the company register and/or that have not disclosed they are GFI Software staff for the purposes of gaining access privileges higher than those of known GFI staff will be considered in breach of my rights and the access controls I have placed and therefore in violation of Chapter 9 Section 337C(1)(i) of the criminal code in addition to the previously noted laws.