Month: June 2008

Well today was work as usual, well not as usual, but it was work. Seems that the project manager who doesn’t want to manage is still not managing. After leaving me a calendar invite with no information about the customer except that I am meeting them at 10am Monday, last thing on Friday afternoon (which was something that I already knew about Friday morning), I rejected the invite with a message saying, “it would be helpful to know where I am meeting the customer, rather than that there is a meeting which I already know”.

The response was to come to me in person, and drag our manager along and ask the status of the job as if I hadn’t completed it. Really rather ridiculous as if I have a problem I tell the project manager (eg if a change request needs prioritizing, or if I don’t have the right hardware). Of course sometimes, where appropriate, I resolve the issues myself by talking to the people concerned directly, these tend to be where there is a technical part of the problem because the project manager rarely understands enough to pass the detail on directly.

Anyhow enough rambling, the pettiness is continuing and really has been there since the whole company got to know about my transformation, so I have to ask the question, “Discrimination, prejudice, coincidence or just stupidity?”

Tonight was an interesting night, completely unplanned, and the result was a phone call and confession to Michael my brother. In some ways it was quite funny, I said, “do you want to know the hard way or the easy way?” He said, “the hard way”, so I gave him the the location of my favorite photo and he was surprised and said, “temporary or permanent thing?” I responded with, “permanent”, he said nothing and continued to talk.

A little further into the conversion and it became obvious he thought it was me joking around, and I stopped him and said, “you realise I’m not joking, the doctor has diagnosed me as gender dysphoric and I’ve been on HRT for the last three months”. He was stunned for a short moment and continued as if his brother tells him life changing facts every day…!

The conversation was long and covered a lot of the same ground multiple times, but it was good to talk. We also agreed that I should tell Mum before she gets here, rather than when she’s here. I’m still in two minds about it, because I want to be with her when I tell her because she’ll probably worry otherwise, but the other thought that people have is that if I wait until she gets here, she might feel trapped where she doesn’t want to be.

It is worrying me how quick and accepting he is of the whole thing, but comments like, “what ever happens, you’re still blood and we love you”, are comforting.

I think telling Mum sooner rather than later is going to be for the best in the long run.  I’ve just got to work out how, and what to say… not an easy task.

Well this is just going ot be a short update. After lots of tears, and talking, Ally has said she is not going to stop the transformation from Matthew to Michelle.

Now all I have to do is fix the bickering that people have been doing at work. It’s very childish and irritating. A project manager that wants the technician to project manage, another person that wants everything done yesterday, even though he’s been told the customer is working out when they want the change done. What is wrong with these people? We are a customer facing service organisation, the customer comes first, not when ever we can fit them in.

Well this page is possibly the last I write. Ally sent me a long email last night, and it has left me very upset, and may spell the end of Michelle. I will do anything for her, and so I have left the ultimate decision to her.

The mail said lots of things, some I knew some I didn’t, the general gist is that she considers Michelle to be the same as having an affair, and with a person she does not want to meet. She has said she wants to move out for a while to collect her thoughts, and that might be a permanent thing. I have asked her to be honest with herself as well as me, and if she really wants to go, not to live with a friend for a while to get used to it but just to go and to say so. I’ve also told her that I love her and that if she really does hate Michelle that much, and that she does really love Matthew, that I will stop the medication (permanently) and allow nature to take it’s course. Of course that means the end of Michelle, and probably the end of Matthew as well, but she gets to make that choice not me.

I might put in the details of the last few days, but I really don’t feel like it at the moment.

All that know of this blog, I wish you well, and if you need to get a hold of either Matthew or Alison, you can using our first names at the isux.com domain, which we own.

Update:

Lots of tears last night, and at the moment, Ally is still telling me to take medication so she hasn’t asked me to stop.  For those with the question, it’s not something I want to do but it is something I will do if I have to to keep Ally (and it’s something I expect I’ll regret for the rest of my life if I do).

Today was pretty uneventful.  I got up, dressed in a set of trackies and a T-shirt and got ready for the dive.

The pictures of the dive are on Matthew’s Photo Page but my favorite is of a rather playful seal.

The afternoon brought another session of hair straightening (I can tell why people don’t make a regular habit of it).

The evening we all decided to go out to the Bay, and settled on the Starfish Deli. The service was a lot better than previous, in that the staff were friendly and helpful.  The food was excellent, when it eventually arrived.  Unfortunately someone forgot our order and we sat very hungry and slightly cold for over an hour.  On the plus side though when the mistake was realised the staff fell over themselves to correct it, and didn’t charge us for either the food or the wine throughout the evening.

Again the staff pleasantly surprised me by continually referring to Tanya and I as ‘ladies’ or ‘girls’.  New South Wales is a world apart from Queensland it seems.